his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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