I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
