I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
