the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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