So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
