mondays should just be called national damage control day
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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