This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
