she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
