you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
