found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
