Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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