gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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