I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
sarcasm needs its own font
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
