well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this must be what syphilis tastes like
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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