All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
