Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
