he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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