I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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