Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
