I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
