You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
