this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This baby is an asshole
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
