at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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