i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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