Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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