Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
