Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
