i love accidental penises.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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