Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
