My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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