I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
