i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
