O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
