Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
