Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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