just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just invented taco cereal.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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