I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
