As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
