On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
dude. I can hear the air.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
