Fine. I'll sleep in my office
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
