he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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