Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
