I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
