I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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