Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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