Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
PANTIES FOUND
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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