i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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