I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
