my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
