i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
