dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
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