i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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