im six kinds of drunk right now
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just blew my weed a kiss
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
