There is no way he is gay with that hair.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
