I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
