I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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