Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
