If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
