PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
